come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
