Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
