Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
