You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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