Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
