Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
