he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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