bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
