My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
