is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
