You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
