You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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