fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
