at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
