Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
