remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
