Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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