woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
