I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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