He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
