Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
