my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
