You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
this is an emotional support booty call
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
