no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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