Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
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