i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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