i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
