Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
