he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Randomize
