i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
two words: eviction party
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
