That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
