Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
