The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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