yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
