Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
