"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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