apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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