My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Two words: blizzard sex
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
