I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
