She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
don't judge my taste in strippers
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The Olympian is in my bed
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
