I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
