I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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