dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
