Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
