I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
being pregnant is like rehab
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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