you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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