would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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