i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
