I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
