Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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