what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
