when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
