You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
